Free to Choose

I don’t want to do it.

I don’t want to deal with that.

I am reluctant to get involved.

Why me?

Etcetera, etcetera.

I feel uneasy, pushed, pressured, entrapped, bounded, manipulated.

I am starting to feel upset, frustrated, resentful, disgruntled…

Etcetera, etcetera.

As the youngest child in the family, I did not have many choices. I simply had to do what I was told, including what my siblings had refused, not matter how seemingly unreasonable or unjust that might seem to me. The perfectly obedient, unquestioning child thus accumulated massive resentment in her Gut, a fertile ground for Qi blockages. The lavish praise from the outside world for my impeccable behavior was not quite sufficient to sweeten, break down, and digest the bitterness that I had stomached.

But I am grateful that I have grown up and am free to choose. I can question authorities and steer my own course. I am a free agent. There remains a rigid, default imprint in me to acquiesce and go along with what I am supposed to do, and not follow what my Gut wants. As a result far too often the feelings of pressure and reluctance dominate me. But recognizing and consciously reminding myself that I have choices is a quantum step to break away from my deeply ingrained behavioral and emotional habits.

Sometimes, the choices I face are not all palatable. If I am unhappy at work, I can stay or quit. Neither seems desirable – staying means remaining glued to a source of unhappiness, and quitting means losing income, a source of worry. If I stay, I need to remind myself: I choose to stay for now because this is the better option, not because I am forced to. If I leave, I also need to remind myself: this is my choice, because even if it is not perfect, it is the more desirable of the two alternatives.

Of course, there is also another possibility: let the Mind create more ideas. How can I resolve the undesirable situation at work? Where else can I work? What other career paths can I pursue? How do I go about exploring that?

The HOWs are not always easy to answer. They may take time and effort. But if they can open up more exciting possibilities, the effort is worth it.

Creating choices is definitely a choice.