Yes They Can

Change.

Yes, we can. Yes, we do.

We change, and so do our needs. They constantly evolve and are part of our existence. Our needs can be material, physical, intellectual/mental, emotional, and spiritual. All of them are equally legitimate and important in the sense that they represent the driving forces of our lives. It is easy to claim the moral high ground by dismissing material needs in favor of answering spiritual needs. But a need is a need is a need. Left unanswered, it creates a void, a sense of inadequacy, a negative emotion, creating Qi blockages. Perhaps it is better to keep asking why we have a particular need, to ascertain it and differentiate it from a desire. Once we identify a need, we can ask WHY we have that need.

From a very young age I have felt the need to write, to put words together on paper.

“Why do you need to write? What does it do for you?” Silvia asked.

I have always taken for granted this urge to write, and I have been writing for years without thinking much about it. For me it was akin to a natural preference for raspberry over pineapple, or hot cider over orange juice. But Silvia’s question set off a series of thoughts. What happened when I wrote? How did the process or the act make me feel? Did I value the experience more or the end product?

“I need to write because I need to express myself, to articulate and ascertain my feelings, to get heard, to connect with others, and to get appreciated.” The words spilled out from my Gut, albeit not without some pause.

It dawned on me that writing has been my method of processing emotions, through pinpointing and expressing them tangibly in words. Searching for the right words was gratifying because it allowed me to understand and connect to how I feel. Every one has her own way of processing emotions – talking, singing, moving, painting, walking and thinking… We gravitate towards the method that is most effective for us. As the youngest child in my family, I grew up not getting my voice heard – it was always drowned by other bigger voices. So I resorted to the written words, which earned me appreciation and attention in school and subsequently from my parents.

In other words, my need to write was not a simple intellectual need but rather an amalgamation of emotional needs.

“HOW can you address these underlying yearnings, besides the need for processing your emotions?” asked Silvia. To receive respect and appreciation, the easiest way would be to start by respecting and appreciating others. What goes around comes around. There is nothing wrong with feeling a need to write. But understanding what are truly behind our needs can help us better answer them and live a more fulfilling life. With my need for appreciation and respect identified and answered via other means, I began to feel less pressure about becoming “successful” in writing, about becoming a best-selling author, or about getting appreciated by the mass. I could enjoy writing more for what it was – an act to connect with myself, a challenge to create meanings on a blank canvas. My need to write remains, but it has changed – for the better.