What Do You Need?

Even though I thought I was generally intuitive, ready with Gut reactions and answers to Silvia’s questions, sometimes it took me numerous attempts to hit on the right issues that caused my energy blockages. In one instance, I was completely clueless.

“What do you need?” asked Silvia.

“I would like…” I began dishing out a laundry list. The kind of list that a child would ask when praying to god or to Santa Claus.

“Are those what you WANT, or are those what you NEED?”

“…”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated. One client, for example, needed a fulfilling romantic relationship.” Silvia explained.

I tried again. And again. But nothing crystalized. My answers continued to circle around what I desired, rather than what my life required at that moment. My desires and my needs were so enmeshed I couldn’t tell them apart. For the very first time during my healing sessions I felt utterly lost.

In the ensuing days that question became my homework. I desired lots of things: freedom, financial security, health, fulfilling career, a nice home, a new feline companion, respect, new friends… But I could do well without many of them. They would be nice to have but not essential. One by one I reviewed each of the items. Why did I want it? What did it mean to me? Could I do without it? The questions gradually led me to reflect on the decisions I had made in life, the directions I had pursued. Why did I make those decisions? Clearly they had to be the best options under the circumstances, even if I wasn’t completely satisfied with my choices. What made me stick by or regret those decisions? What did they answer or left unaddressed?

Slowly, a pattern emerged and it became clear why I had lived the way I had. The “wants” and the “needs” became untangled. One of my first reactions was that I felt better about myself and some of the seemingly “unwise” or “regrettable” decisions I had made before. I might not have been consciously aware of my needs but I had always incorporated them without thinking. I did the best I could under most cases.

I patted myself on the shoulder. I wasn’t giving myself enough credit in the past, I needed, among other things, to be kinder to myself. And when I did so I would also be kinder to others.

As the noises of desires died off and my needs quietly emerged, the seeds of my Qi blockages became apparent. Why did I have these needs? Why were they not addressed? Neglected, these requirements became a moss that spread and took over every facet of my life, causing me to slip and fall and pay attention.

It was a moment of epiphany.

When you become aware of your needs, you are treading on the path to health.